It's All in the Details: Toilet Gymnastics

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This is the bathroom toilet that saw the life cycle of me and my three siblings. By the time I came along, a good ten years after the pack, I had it mostly to myself.
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Now, I normally wouldn't blog about something like what's written below, except it seems to me something of the extraordinary.
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Yesterday, I was peeing standing, as guys often do, when an unstoppable urge hit me from behind. I needed relief of a different sort, and immediately, but I was standing. What to do?
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Normally, I would exercise those beloved hidden muscles somewhere in my nethers, stop peeing, turn around, and sit down. Unfortunately, I was already trying to keep one crack from causing a landslide. If I had tried to plug the river, who knows where the stuff would have come out of.
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So while peeing and feeling as if the world were about to turn brown, I carefully put one leg on the wall and managed to turn around. You try it with your shorts halfway down. It's only funny now, but I knew then what was at stake.
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I managed to turn all the way around, while peeing in the commode, and sit down. I'll spare you the rest.